Identifying Toxic Relationships


Aditi Jain

Psychology Associate

While being in a relationship there are times when you might feel that something is going terribly wrong but dismiss it because you feel that you may just be over-reacting. If you ever find yourself searching for ‘signs you are in a toxic relationship’, there is a chance that you might be in one.

Here are some signs that will help you know if you are in one. If you feel many of these signs are true for your partner, then maybe it’s time to exit the relationship.

1. They are controlling in nature: Your partner may like to be in control of everything you do. From which fruits you eat to what clothes you wear, from which mode of transport you use to who you hang out with. They make all your decisions for you without even consulting with you first. And they hate it when you plan something on your own without taking their advice.

2. Everything is always about them: Whenever you are trying to tell them something they interrupt you mid-sentence and make themselves the center of the story. The kind of food that comes in the house or the kind of movie you go to see, it is always what they want. You are always the one making compromises and doing what they want to do and live how they want to live.

3. Communication is difficult with them: Whenever you try to tell them something that’s bothering you, they tend to misinterpret it or pick up a small irrelevant detail and make a big deal out of it. Expressing a genuine concern to them generally leads to an hour-long fight. You start to feel it’s better to keep quiet than to say anything in their presence.

4. It is always your fault: In case of any argument or fight, the blame is always on you. You are always responsible for all the mishaps in their life and everything bad that is happening with them. Be it them forgetting to pick up the groceries or them having a bad day at work. They believe they are the sole reason for your happiness. According to them, they are perfect and you are the one that is flawed and needs to be perfected, which only they know how to.

5. They know exactly how to touch your trigger point: They known very well about your insecurities and how to subtly mention them to bring you down. They may say it is just a joke, but you know in your gut that it is not. A common example is a statement like “if you could change this about yourself, people might start liking you more.” On the surface it might sound like they care about you, but in your heart you know it’s not a genuine concern but a personal opinion.

The red flags are not always clearly evident and even when they are, you might be tempted to ignore them because you don’t want to lose the companionship and be alone. But it is better to lose them than to lose yourself in the process.

Always remember that being alone and being lonely are two separate things. If your partner is intentionally disturbing your peace of mind, then it is better to be free from such a person. You can be alone and still be very happy.

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Tulika Agarwal Jain
Very clearly put ... I have seen people in such situations... but fear of loneliness they hang on to that relationship. Thank