RELATIONSHIPS GIVE US JOY AND SORROW, SMILES AND LESSONS
Relationships are a major part of our lives. They help us live meaningfully.
We get to live some of our best moments in a relationship and we might also experience different kinds of problems in a relationship.
Relationships teach us lessons which we must remember for life. They also help us in understanding ourselves better and exploring various dimensions of our personality.
Here are some lessons we can keep in mind related to relationships:
1. Do not become emotionally dependent on the other
Sorting out problems together is an important aspect of a relationship. But depending on the other person to solve our problems isn't the best solution. As two individuals, we are completely involved in each others’ lives. It is natural to become grow emotionally close. But becoming totally emotionally dependent on the other would mean, the partner’s mood would affect our mood, their sadness would make us sad, their happiness would make us happy, basically everything they do would affect us.
Obviously, in any relationship, each and every emotion is felt by two individuals together. But as unique individuals, we must always be self-aware of how we feel.
Somebody else's mood shouldn't be affecting ours in an extreme way. Over a long period of time, this can also lead to frustration and resentment.
2. Relationship is not life itself, it is a part of life
A lot of people fail to recognise that relationship is a part of life and not the fundamental purpose of life. Just as work, studying, exercising are a part of our life, relationships are one of the aspects of our life. When we enter a relationship, it is normal to make it a very big aspect of our life due to the initial excitement. However, it’s important to realize that each and every aspect of our life needs an equal amount of time.
Giving all our time we have, just to the relationship might lead to the suffering of other aspects of life. Managing time smartly to cater to all the activities in our life is key to avoiding and solving problems.
There is no need to make our relationship the centre of our world, at least not in the initial stages. With time, the relationship would seamlessly integrate into our life.
3. I am responsible for my happiness, not someone else
‘If s/he's happy, then I'm happy.’ How many times have we heard people saying this? We all share a number of emotions in a relationship - happiness, sadness, anger, guilt, etc. But let’s ask ourselves, if we start basing our emotions and feelings on the basis of the other person, for everything, all the time, then we might forget how we actually feel. This can lead to losing our own identity. Happiness can definitely be shared, but the primary source of happiness must come from within.
So when the other person is not around us, we might not know how to feel or hwat to do. Sharing emotions with the other is one of the most beautiful things a person can experience, but dependency for happiness all the time on someone else is not only unhealthy, it puts a burden on the partner to act happy even when s/he’s not!
4. Learn to let go
One of the most difficult things to do is learning to let go. This can include letting go problems, mistakes or even letting go a person altogether. There are times when we find it very difficult to let go of something or somebody. We hold on to that rigidity. We must understand that people come and go. Change is the only constant thing in life.
Sometimes things last together, sometimes they don't. This doesn't mean we have to stop living. It might hurt initially, but learning to let go will make us understand of the importance of our own self. It gives us time to think about the other aspects which we were missing out on. In all, learning to let go gives us another chance of learning and growing.
5. Aim to grow together instead of being together
Growth is a human need. We all grow emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc. at different times in our lives. Individual growth differs from growing together. Growing together means, being aware of our own and our partner's emotions, communicating honestly, setting goals together, having different experiences togethera and most importantly, experiencing freedom together.
It is very important to feel free in a relationship. When we can be ourselves, we become a more honest individual.
All this combined together helps two individuals grow. When we grow together, we automatically stick together for a longer time.
What's the biggest thing that you've learn about relationships?